Saturday, January 19, 2013

Don't apologize to Ophelia

Original article.

The acid-face guy apologized. This is how Ophelia reports it.

I am, obviously, not going to treat this as a private correspondence. [redacted] isn’t a friend of mine, I never asked him to contact me in any way, he tweeted at me yesterday (and the day before) just to stir the shit aka harass me, so I don’t consider his apology or my reply part of a private correspondence.
[redacted] to me:
I would like to apologize Ophellia for that vile tweet I sent you yesterday. I did not mean it as threat on your person being but as a childish insult agaisnt your appearance.
I understand how you take it as personal threat and I hope in no way did I make you feel unsafe in your own home. That was not my intent and I apologize if I did.
I do not expect you to accept this apology or expect you to. I am not doing it to safe face with fan base either. I feel terrible for the tweet I sent and if it caused you any duress.
My apologies,
My reply:
Well, Mr Conlon, I don’t see why you think it’s ok to insult people for being old and ugly, either. It’s not “childish” – it’s vicious. I don’t suppose you do that to your mother (assuming she’s alive) or other ancient female relatives. I don’t suppose you would enjoy hearing other people doing that to your mother. I don’t even suppose you would do it to anyone face to face.
You did of course make me feel unsafe. I didn’t think you were going to hop on a plane and come here to throw acid on me – but of course it makes me feel unsafe when people are willing to say things like that to me. Hatred and rage escalate. That was what I was saying in the post about acid-throwing yesterday. Yes, I feel unsafe because of the non-stop hatred at the slyme pit and on Twitter. Yes, you made that worse.
Thank you for the partial apology, but I really urge you to stop doing things like telling women you hate how ugly they are.
I mean that. I hope he does. I would like to see everyone stop fostering the hatred and rage. However I don’t for a second think that will happen.

Here's what the man did:
  1. Apologized for his comment
  2. Clarified that his comment was not meant to be a threat (in other words, he didn't wish her harm)
  3. Noted that he is not issuing this apology hoping to save face (he has no fan base, and no platform of his own)

Here is how Ophelia responded:
  1. Shared the apology in full, but only really as a pretext to share her own clever rebuttal
  2. Told the man he's embarrassing his dead mother and grandmother
  3. Fed him a bullshit line about feeling unsafe (if you honestly feel unsafe on Twitter, why be on Twitter?)
  4. Blame him for escalation ("Hatred and rage escalate", "you made that worse")
  5. Didn't view the apology as complete... what would have been enough?
  6. Urges the man to stop calling women ugly, presuming this is what he does that all the time.
  7. Adds a comment about how the other side is just beyond help at this point
And then in a comment to her own posts, she immediately wants to now what people are saying about her in the evil "SlymePit" forums.
Could you paste it in, Jafafa? I don’t have the stomach to go there right now. (I hardly ever do have the stomach…but especially not right now.)
Here she admits to reading the SlymePit.

If she honestly feels unsafe, why continuously engage with these people?

3 out of 3 of her posts today (100%) were devoted to the subject of her problems with online comments.

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