Saturday, February 9, 2013

Anne of Green Gables is too sexy!

The latest disaster in the Twitter-feminist world is Anne of Green Gables.

Anne, in some book that nobody bought, is not ginger. She's blonde and attractive, which is like shitting in the cereal of every half-assed "social justice" advocate out there.

Here is how Ophelia Benson covered the story: "Anne of Titty Gables" was the title. How classy.

Ok seriously now, I’ve been seeing outraged tweets about Anne of Green Gables with blonde?!!%* hair for a couple of days so I finally decided wtf and looked into it. I mean wtf, people – blonde hair? Hello? Her first conversation with Matthew, with her dreamy hope that her hair can be considered “auburn”? Her explosion of fury at Mrs Rachel Lynde for calling her homely and saying her hair was red as carrots? Her war with Gilbert after he called her Carrots? It’s half the damn book!
I waggishly suggested that it had also been retitled Anne of Coney Island, but now that I’ve looked into it, the time for waggishness is over.
Behold the new Anne.
Uh…different book, folks. I don’t know what book, but sure as hell not Anne of Green Gables. 
Kelseigh Nieforth comments:
Okay, as a born Maritimer, this is friggin’ offensive as hell. Certainly it’s an insult to those of us who grew up with the stories, and the author as well. Pretty much misses the whole point of the character.
So... apparently anybody that doesn't look Irish/Scot enough can go away? Real inclusive here.

NateHevens writes:
You know, I hear a lot about how there’s prejudice against those with red hair. There was a time when I never would have believed it. But then I actually started meeting and hanging out with people who naturally have red hair, and wow… it’s real. I’ve seen it first-hand.
This appears to be another facet of that. I guarantee you I can figure out the mindset of the idiots behind this:
You know, nobody likes red heads. All the [pornstars/models/societal ideals of the perfect woman] are blonde. Let’s make her blonde.
I’d be willing to bet money that their thought-process was something like that… I’d be willing to bet a lot, in fact.
Anne of Green Gables has red hair. Period. Don’t fucking change that.

Then Ophelia adds:

She has red hair and she’s not a pouty poochy seductive type who lounges around with her hand in her hair posing for an ad for the local bordello. 

Okay, let's get this straight Ophelia & etc - red heads get picked on unfairly, yet blondes look like whores.

Can you believe this nonsense?

Tell me, is Megan Fellows not attractive? Is Hannah Endicotte-Douglas ugly?

Now they'll say the actors that played Anne before did so in their younger years, and their complexion and hair color fit the book a lot better.

Boo-hoo. The real reason they hate the photo is it's a pouty blonde "bimbo" that is holding her hair up and it makes them crazy.

Just for a moment wonder why they aren't trashing the tale for depicting an orphan being pretty much bound to distinctly feminine roles, such as receiving B.A. and not a STEM degree, and becoming a schoolteacher instead of the King of Norway. Somehow in this picture being physically attractive is the last straw.

Who should be the next Anne of Green Gables?

Zoe Saldana.

If you disagree, you're racist, ageist and perhaps Ophelia Benson.

1 comment:

  1. I don't so much know the feminist angle of things ... but as an avid reader I'll admit that it bothers me when the characters on the cover of a book look nothing like how the author describes them. It's just bothersome on a "didn't they even read it" level.